Its not a secret that I am a divorced single mom who has set out to actively help other women in this category reinvent themselves and be better parents to their children.
One of the ways I set out to do this is by sharing information and resources that can help them achieve this. Which is why when I came across this information on tips to date a single parent from a friend on Facebook, I decided to share it here.
What made this information especially juicy and important to me is the fact that it was written by a Single dad which highlights the fact that it comes from a personal place of experience.
So check them out below and let me know which ones really stand out for you.
1. You have to be cool with the fact that you'll not always be top priority. As in, you have to be really cool with it. A single parent with children under 18 in most cases have no backup plan for their kids. You can't blame them if they don't jump up each time your need comes up and they first consider their children's needs and prioritize them.
2. You cannot be jealous of their children. You just can't. A sensible single parent should tell you upfront that their children come first. If they don't tell you, go figure. You can't compare the time and affection they give them (especially when they're young) and draw parallels. You can't put them in a position where they will have to chose between their children or you, you will lose. Children are vulnerable, children in a single parent family more so. People shouldn't come and add to their stress if they can't make their life easier.
3. Everyone has baggages of different sort. For a single parent, they may have many situations going on eg. ex with whom they co-parent, disabled child(ren), stretched financial situation etc. You cannot see those as a problem. Those children will be in their lives forever. You must be happy to blend in and go with the flow.
4. It is a crash course in putting other people first. You will from time to time be in a position where you yourself have to make sacrifices for your partner's kids. If you're a me-and-my-partner kind of person, a single parent is not for you. I dated someone a while back who told me I'll have to put my son in boarding school so we can have time to each other. I looked at the 'mumu' like, this is buy one get 2 free. Take it or leave it, it is a package deal. Of course, she left it.
5. Resist the urge of independently scolding or disciplining your partner's children. This is a land mine you need to navigate carefully. It may take a village to raise a child, but don't be fooled, you need your partner's approval to discipline their children and also on how to discipline them. At best, report disempowering behaviour to the parent. Don't get too comfortable to assume they'll be fine for your to mete out punishment to their kids.
6. Similar to point 5 above but different. You have to know how to hold your tongue. At the beginning, you may discover parenting methods that are different from what you're used to. Resist the urge to critise or give unsolicited advice regarding how your partner parents their children. Remember they're still the parent and because you are in a relationship doesn't elevate you to a parent status.
7. Spontaneity will not always happen. Buying weekend holiday getaways may not be embraced with the same enthusiasm especially when your single parent partner remember they have recitals to be at, doctors appointment to keep, already made promises to fulfil etc. People who date single parents often find these relationships frustrating and challenging when it comes to making plans. They often find themselves disappointed when the single parent has to reschedule dates because of kid emergencies, and they end up resentful towards the person they are dating. Sadly, planning several days ahead only makes things easier as your partner have time to make arrangements, it still isn't foolproof as last minute changes does occur.
8. While dating a single parent, you may discover that metamorphosing into a full blown relationship or marriage is slower than you want or expect. This is because it is a lot harder for a single parent to jump into a relationship for obvious reasons. They've been there before and also because they have kids to think about. They're usually not in a rush. You must understand this and be willing to earn their trust first.
9. If the divorce is recent or going on, your partner might seem distant at times. Divorce is insanely traumatic and only those who have first hand experience understands. If your partner is having a really bad divorce day, maybe something in their case happened that hurt them in some way, they sometimes want to be left alone. It is an extremely emotional time and that person needs to heal. Have respect for that and do not take it personally. Also, it's a mistake to start hating their ex or fueling their anger with negative remarks. It's best to just acknowledge their feelings and provide all the emotional support they need. Their ex is not by default your enemy.
10. Don't force things. Let it flow naturally especially with the children. Show them love and don't speak ill of the other parent in a bit to look good. Don't try to take over the position of the other parent. Let them call you Mummy or Daddy at their own time and pace. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
Phew! right? Oh well, it just goes to show that dating or marrying a single parent is not for the faint hearted. So please make sure you are prepared and ready before taking such a step so you don't become one more thing the Single Parent has to worry about but rather be someone who understands and is ready to support them all the way!
SOURCE: NATHANIEL ADEGOKE
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