Friday, 28 November 2014

Single But Not Exactly Rosy!


I have been getting quite a number of mails from married women who tell me they want to leave their husbands for one reason or the other. Some of them even say I am lucky and that they envy me because I am a single mum who seems to have it all figured out.

Please let me state categorically that I AM NOT A SINGLE MOTHER BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE ONE (it was due to circumstances I didn’t plan or pray for). And for those that say I make it look easy trust me that is soooo far from the truth!!

What if I told you that a couple of weeks ago, I had to borrow N500(five hundred naira) from a mallam on my street so I could buy a tin of rice,dry pepper and oil  to cook 'concoction rice' for my kids. Oh yes! that has happened a couple of times,not because I am not working or earning a living but just beacuse sometimes the bills get overwhelming and I have to PRIORITISE and at the end of the day I am left with next to nothing?

Oh did I also mention the times when my car has serious issues and the mechanic practically charges me an arm and a leg simply because there is no man around to help me see through the mechanical jargon of 'bushing,oil filter,fuel filter,alternator,shaft,gearbox among other car parts and issues being mentioned for fixing.

And yes there is that time when I need to seriously discipline my kids and when they say 'mummy pls' I let them be and then they do the same thing again and then I get mad and seem like the 'wicked witch of Oz' to them when I take action.

Please don't get me wrong I am not complaining at my situation...far from it. I am just making you realise that because you see me put up beautiful pictures on social media doesn't mean all is rosy. Sometimes its when I put up those pictures that I am going through some challenging times but being a child of God I have determined to always keep my head up no matter what.

I never planned to be a single mum at this stage of my life but when fate dealt me that hand and my 7year marriage then became a case of life and death I just had to make this tough decision.

Would I advise someone to take this same path? Only if physical violence is happening in your marriage. Then you need to leave that situation because violence often escalates and God forbid you lose your life in that process.

But any other thing asides that, my sister you need to manage it and make it work. Bimbo he isn't leaving money for anything, Bimbo he doesn't come home on time, Bimbo he has affairs outside, Bimbo he doesn't help me with the kids and so on.

My sisters, marriage is hardwork and even those that have been in it for decades will tell you this. Let me shock you,a family friend of mine, whose marriage I usually just believe God for, because they look like the most romantic and loving couple ever! told me that many years ago her husband actually slept with their housemaid and got the girl pregnant!(I almost fainted because he comes across as a gentle and sweet man and deeply religious!!)

She said it was a horrible time for her and she contemplated all sorts but at the end she stayed and here they are 45years after.(Don't ask what happened to the housegirl's baby though...Lol)

Bottomline is this, being a single mum is way harder than it looks and if you can avoid it, PLEASE DO!!!!May God continue to bless the homes of those of you that are married and for those believing God for a partner, may God settle you soon.

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