Monday, 21 September 2015

How Do You Cope With The Issue Of Sex After Being Married Before?

Its so funny how nowadays when my period is sometimes late, I am not even bothered unlike before when I would have started fretting, getting worried and negotiating with God (as if na Him send me message...Lol) Not that I wasn't practicing safe sex at that time but you know how anything can happen especially when you are not even supposed to be doing such in the first place?

The issue of sex outside marriage remains a tough one for people who have been married before especially as regards living a holy life as children of God. I remember when I discussed leaving my marriage with one of my pastors many years ago and he said his major fear for me was how I would cope without sex.

I laughed and said sex was the least of my problems and it was never a big deal for me. Boy was I wrong! Initially I was forming holier than thou then I got carried away and then felt very guilty but I won't lie, good sex is actually something that one craves from time to time either you are married or single.

So why am I going on about sex today? Its because a friend (a single mum) and I were chatting and she told me sex is not even on her agenda and that even if the urge comes she will turn to sex toys. I laughed and told her masturbation sef na sin!

However, the truth is, sexual urges will come as a single person. That part of us was created by God for a reason even though it is only to be explored in a union of marriage but hey, EMOTIONS DON"T KNOW BOUNDARIES.

For me, it continues to be a major prayer point because while I won't claim to have been celibate all this while, I now understand why God doesn't want us to fornicate. As my relationship with God grows, it has gotten to the point where if I indulge in such, I get this unrest within me and I am just not at peace with myself. Also, some things in my life just don't go well like they should and I feel like the sex is the cause of it.

Does that mean the sexual urge has disappeared? (For where? Lol! It hasn't o!) I still feel like it sometimes but then I remember the consequences which I personally go through which could sometimes be delays to some prayer points and then I immediately kick the urge out of my mind (Not easy though make I no lie!)

Please know that getting to this point is not an easy road and there may be some slip-ups along the line but with time and if your relationship with God is on point, He will help you to stand firm but you need to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I am still a serious work in progress so don't even think I have become a master celibate queen (if there is anything like that, Lol)...abeg I still dream of a guy with Moris Chestnut body, Micheal Ealy eyes and very passionate about God, coming to sweep me off my feet.

The struggle is real and like I promised with this blog, it is to encourage you and make you understand you are not alone with those kind of feelings. 

However, you can overcome them gradually and get to that point where you can boldly stand tall and say you are in a good place BUT this is only when you develop a close relationship and fellowship with God such that before you do anything it becomes a case of what would Jesus Do?

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