Friday, 21 August 2015

What Exactly Is The Definition Of A Responsible Ex-Husband And Father?

Early this morning my ex husband called me on the phone and said he heard I had been telling people that he hasn't been financially responsible for the children despite him sending money to us. I asked him his definition of sending money to us and also if it was regular, he got all angry and cut off the phone.

I left my husband in 2009 and for the first 2 or 3 years, I can count how many times he supposedly sent us money because it was not frequent. Infact the first 2 years we were barely even talking because I was very bitter towards him especially after I lost my bank job in 2010 and survival was just by the Grace of God.

This was also the period where things got so bad I even contemplated suicide as I got tired of the whole poverty like situation and seeing my children suffer was becoming very unbearable. There was even a time I almost lost my sanity but I thank God I didn't become a psychiatric case.

I don't even want to get into the huge financial embarrassment that led into me having to withdraw my children from their former high brow school and the Head teacher there can witness to this though I won't mention her name here except push comes to shove. On this blog I have mentioned here how my church paid my children's school fees in their new school for the whole of 2011 till I got a job in 2012.

2013 is when I can say he started chipping in from time to time and I won't get into how many times my children still missed out weeks in school because they weren't allowed to sit in classes due to irregular payment of school fees on our part. Of course this affected their academic performance and I had to put shame aside and explain to the school the situation on ground which led to them allowing me pay school fees twice or sometimes 3 times a term as a special concession so my kids could attend classes and this eventually led to an improvement in their school work to the glory of God.

Yes he is now being more financially responsible for the kids school fees even though its a kind of "buy now pay later" arrangement where I would have hustled to pay the school fees before he now pays back in his own time ( at all at all na im bad pass right?)

However, it isn't like he gives us a monthly allowance or something and of course I am paying my own house rent, car maintenance, feeding and clothing the children (oops...he sometimes buys clothes for them with the most recent being from his Dubai trip) 

So for him to call and ask if he hasn't been a responsible father has got me wondering exactly what the definition of a responsible father really is? 


  1. Parenting is a full time job and not a part time job...definitely not a buy now pay later arrangement like you said. The truth your ex hubby doesn't want to accept is that he should give you a regular allowance no matter how small. I guess you both need to reach that agreement. All the best and thank you for your openness its very refreshing

  2. This question is not only for your husband but even to some married men who allow their wives foot the bill without assisting just because she earns more. I swear sometimes I get tired of this my so called marriage but because of shame I still dey here

  3. Every man should bear full responsibility for the welfare of the or children but sadly things change when a marriage turns sour. I am impressed he's even contributing, some men won't bother. The anatomy of failed relationships usually means men would ignore their responsibilities to the children because of the money cos they are not sure what end the money is being used for. I'd say, take whatever your ex husband gives, as the kids grow older and can make tHeir demands directly, he will be more responsible. I am not in this situation, my wife has never paid a dime for kids school fees in over a decade of marriage but am I know cases where the end of a relationship signals the abdication of the mans responsibilities. Take whatever he gives but don't expect too much. All the best - Femi


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