Monday, 16 November 2015

Why Do People Look Down On Single Mums As Second Class Citizens?


A couple of days ago, someone insinuated that the only reason I got a particular official favor was because I am a single mum and that it was done based on sentiment and not merit.

This really upset me because I have NEVER in my life acted like a victim and I NEVER will. Yes, things haven’t been easy and sometimes I barely have enough to tide myself and my kids over BUT one thing I can boldly say is that I have NEVER had to beg or compromise myself for money or favor.

But then again who doesn't have those kind of moments when things sometimes don't go as you expect them to and sometimes you are just flat out broke? Does that then make you less of a human being ?


My take on life is that I don’t lobby for favors and if God won’t give me something then its not worth having. But then, it seems to be a general consensus that a single mum is less than a normal human being and should be pitied or even taken advantage of. Why is that so? Can't I earn my way up in life through my hardwork and the value I add wherever I find myself? Truth be told, the single mum is actually even stronger than most people because she is having to deal with issues meant for 2 people alone so why add more to her plate by making her feel less worthy?


A woman can become a single mum either because she had a child outside wedlock or she was married and lost her husband due to abandonment, separation, divorce or outright death. I have also come across so many women who are married but really living the life of a single mum because they more or less are financially responsible for the household as their husbands are PRESENT but not AVAILABLE


What do I mean? yes their husbands are physically around them but when it comes to important family issues they are just not a part of it.
This might be due to so many reasons like infidelity; the man has another woman he is committed to outside of the marriage, financial woes; the man just cannot afford to do anything around the house thus the burden falls on the wife, indifference; the man is just in the marriage to keep up appearances and is not interested in what goes on in the home thus the woman bears the burden of making it seem like all is well, too busy; he is very busy trying to make ends meet for the family and is barely at home so the job of running the home and raising the children lies on the woman. 

There are many other reasons but I will stop here because I know you already get the picture. So why am I going on this way? I am trying to change a wrong mindset and perception about who a single mum is and what she needs.

The reality is that the real meaning of trying to help is being lost because the supposed help is making people see themselves as being a savior or superior being of sorts helping victims. Unfortunately, pride and arrogance creeps into the situation and it comes across in a condescending way and this ends up doing more harm than good.


If you want to help a single mum in need, please show your confidence in their ability to get out of that unfortunate situation they find themselves and show them RESPECT while you are at it. Afterall, time and chance happeneth to all men and you never can tell what will happen to you tomorrow as life is always filled with curves and bumps. 


If you are a single mum, my advice to you is that there is dignity in labor. No matter how menial you might think the job is, please do it rather than beg or compromise yourself just to make ends meet. In the period I was jobless, I did all sorts including tack buttons on uniform shirts for a token, learnt how to make liquid soap, disinfectant & insecticide to sell. Infact just yesterday, my daughter was reminding me that I went to learn how to make burger, shawama and chapman at a point in time, I had even forgotten!


What am I trying to say? in the midst of doing all of these things, I didn't lose sight of the fact that I still want to impact lives positively in any way I can via the media and to the glory of God here I am today. So if anyone still thinks I am having it easy and being given favors because I am a single mum, please come let us exchange lives for a while and see how easy it is to worry about school fees, raising children, giving them treats or telling them you can't afford to, paying house rent, car maintenance, generator maintenance, electrical issues at home, second guessing myself on decisions, job issues, psychological issues, self esteem issues, sexual issues, being an ambassador of Christ, and still trying to be sane in the midst of all these!

4 comments:

  1. Single mums are the strongest!!! His Grace I s eternally sufficient.๐Ÿ‘

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  2. Spot on!!! It is not even an 'unfortunate' situation, it is just life. You are making the best of yourself and showing your kids and all around you a good example. Well done!

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  3. The Almighty God is with you always. Divine strength, wisdom and grace to excel will be granted u from above. My dad died in 1989, I know what it means to be raised by a single mother in our country. Its done only by a Superwoman. All is well with those who have misguided thoughts about single moms, you seriously don't wanna go there.

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