I have always been an advocate of taking life one day at a time and trying to cope with whatever hand fate decides to deal you come rain or shine. I am also known for motivating and encouraging people but truth be told I have down moments myself.
Why you may be wondering and I will explain. This period is the time when so many people take their children and travel to different places for the summer holidays. You look at your social media or blackberry and you see people putting up pictures of themselves and their children in various parts of the world.
Sometimes I feel sad because I can't give my children this opportunity simply because I cannot afford it and for now it is not a priority as saving up for their next school fees and feeding them takes more prominence so you can imagine my shock when I found out my ex husband, their father, is off in Dubai since last week.
What?! Dubai? I haven't traveled out of Nigeria since 2004! Heck, I don't even have the Ecowas passport because I never got round to renewing my old passport due to more important issues which include hustling to make ends meet to take care of my children and this man has time and money to go to Dubai on holiday?
I am not trying to put him down but he hasn't exactly been a hands on dad. Its not like he gives us a monthly upkeep allowance or something. Yes sometimes he sends something once in a while but its not like its regular yet he has money to travel to Dubai?
Now this even seems to be a yearly thing for him as I also saw pictures of him having fun there last year from a mutual family friend's wedding album but I chose not to allow that bother me but this time around I was very angry. Infact I was so angry I wept (not that it helped) and I decided not to talk to "God"for some days....Lol
Yes, I was "boning" for God because in my opinion he was allowing me struggle while my ex seems to be having fun gallivanting up and down. However when I calmed down, I was able to think rationally and looked inwards. Why such pain because of this? I finally got off my "high horse" with God and He made me realise that it is only by His grace that my supposed struggle is even yielding anything to raise this children and it hasn't been by my power or might.
I mentioned in a previous post that I do more with my meager income now than when I was earning millions in my former bank job and the secret is just because God multiplies it miraculously. Of course I want more (who doesn't?) but I have learnt and I am still learning to trust that God has it all worked out and everything is working together for the good of my children and I.