I guess starting out this blog today was really divine after all as a few hours ago my children dug out my wedding album which I have never looked at since I left my ex hubby in 2009.
Many people still ask me how come I went ahead with the wedding and stayed on long enough to have 2 children if it was that bad and the truth is, I only did what was expected of me. It was like I was on autopilot, I had finished school, I was serving when I met my husband and the next thing was getting married.
We barely even knew each other because at the time we met, I was coming out of my first and only relationship which ended because the guy's mum did not want him to marry me because according to her I was raised by a single mum and was too independent. That 2 year relationship was my life so I was heartbroken afterwards and needed something or someone to take my mind off it hence my hubby came into the picture.
Funny enough at that time he was also dating someone his parents didn't approve off and I was the perfect candidate to get his parents off his back. 3 Months after we met I got pregnant..... (ladies please learn to close your legs or just have safe sex!) I think that was where things changed as I refused to have an abortion which he wanted and months later we got married.
Very unromantic and bland right? I agree with you too. Relationships should be exciting and interesting even if you have moments of disagreement but ours was anything but that. All these signs were there from the very beginning but I still went ahead and got married. I can hear someone asking what about love?
I will be very honest with you, I never loved him.....(liar right?). I promised to be very open and upfront with this blog. I never loved him but I saw him as an escape route from a broken relationship, I saw him as being someone to settle for since my former boyfriend had left me because of his mother. In my little reasoning at that time, I also wanted to prove to my ex boyfriend that I could get another man to actually marry me(silly right?)
Everything about my wedding day was not even planned by me down to the colors of the day, the clothes we wore and even the wedding cake which I hated. Can you believe that there were only 3 of my friends on my wedding train? the rest were girlfriends of my husband's friends! Like I said it was like I was on auto pilot but I went ahead because I didn't want to disappoint my mum who was so excited with all the planning of the event.
Fast forward to today, I ended up still kind of disappointing my mum by allowing myself get caught up in a bad marriage and having to start over from scratch and raising 2 children all by myself with so much struggle.
Sometimes I wish I never turned up on my wedding day, I am sure my mum would have gotten over that by now 13 years later but instead I went ahead and now the consequences are for life. My major reason for going into all these details is to advise anyone faced with this kind of dilemma, of a truth, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
Let me stop here for now but there is still so much more to share with you in days to come. Just keep visiting this blog and I hope many people will learn from my own experience and avoid some of my mistakes.